“TV time” or “screen time” were not known terms when I was growing up. We watched shows together–on the shared TV–after school and in the evening as a family. On the weekends, it was a big deal to go down to the local video rental store (remember those days?) and pick out a movie.
There was no talk (or arguing) about how much we were watching, or deliberating over whether we could watch “just one more episode, mom!” My parents didn’t have the millions of daily decisions around how much to allow the children to watch, on what device (phone, iPad or TV?) and/or streaming app (Amazon, Netflix or Apple?). Nor did they deal with the (often hidden and unspoken) emotions of guilt, anxiety and shame that can easily creep up around whatever decisions are made, or should be made and aren’t made…yet.
Healthy Vs. Unhealthy TV Trajectory
This hits close to home for me as I navigate these uncharted waters as a parent of three (soon to be four) children under 6 years old. We are all like soldiers on a new battlefield, unsure of how to navigate through this media-obsessed world, or how bad the “enemy” of screens really is. There are many decisions to make very early on about these things that can set our families on a healthy trajectory, or a terribly unhealthy one that can lead to a life of constant arguing, guilt, addiction, or the feeling like you are “losing” your kid to this ever present intruder of a screen.
So what is the solution? Is there a one-size fits all path or plan that will guide us along in making healthy and wise choices for our families?
Parents as Protectors and Shepherds
No, I don’t think there is. But I do believe, that one of our number one roles as parents is to serve as protectors of our children and their innocence and shepherds, gently guiding and instructing them in the way they should go (Prov. 22:6). This requires us to be intentional about the rhythms and habits we set as a family, as well as the guidelines and guardrails that we must provide.
For us, it has been a process of my husband and I figuring out what works and what doesn’t, but we can now say with confidence -and without guilt, angst or shame – that our family has found a healthy way of enjoying TV in our home. It is not perfect and our plan won’t work for everyone – or forever – since, let’s be honest, kids are constantly growing and changing! But it has been working for us with children currently ages 6, 4 and 2, and I’d like to share some of that here.
10 Tips for Making TV Time a Healthy Choice for Your Kids
We will begin with the first three. If you want the full guide with all 10 tips, you can download it for free by subscribing to my email list here, where you’ll get regular updates from Fuel for the Journey.
Tip #1: Know and establish (as parents) the power of a “united front”
This means that mom and dad, you must, I repeat, you must be on the same team before going any further. All too often I hear stories of mom trying to enforce one thing, only to have dad reverse it or ignore it! Or vice versa. Kids are smart and they will pick up on that in no time and use it to their advantage. It is vital to discuss your different views on TV and vision for how you want your family to live under the same roof. So mom and dad, get talking!
Verse for contemplation: Philippians 2:1-4
Tip #2: Keep TV as a social and shared experience
I love that back in the day, when there was one TV in the home, the entire family would gather around their favorite programs, which would come on at the same time every week. TV was a fun social experience, exchanging thoughts about what was being viewed–together. Today, that is not the case. TV has been turned into an isolated and individual experience, where each person can choose a show of their own preference to view in the company of themselves. This means that each member of a family has various characters, plots and images of what they have watched running through their minds. This can create further barriers to connection. No longer are we socializing while we watch, but we are separating. To me, this is very sad and something to fight against!
In our family, we have set the value from the beginning that TV is a shared experience. Even though all three of my children are different ages and stages, they have to agree on what to watch each time – together. We all view our shows on one shared device–the living room TV. No viewing on iPads, phones, or computers (as much as possible). TV time is social and shared. And that’s that.
Verse for contemplation: Hebrews 10:24-25
Tip #3: Be aware of different addictive tendencies in each child
When anyone watches TV or any screen for that matter, the brain is being activated. More specifically, the “pleasure hormone” called dopamine, is being released at varying levels. For some, there is more of this chemical released and it causes a greater sense of pleasure when watching something, leading to a greater desire to keep doing it. This, as we know, leads to addiction or addictive tendencies and this is an important thing to be aware of as a parent. Do you have a child who could stay up and watch TV all night if you let them? (I do!) Do you have another child who can’t be bothered by TV and doesn’t show much interest or is not angry when you must turn off the device? (I do!) These differences in behavior and responses, could be in part attributed to personality. But they are also very likely to be the cause of varying chemical levels being released in the brain. It is not something they control. It just happens, and therefore we need to be aware of it.
I noticed early on with our eldest child how she could easily get “hooked” on the screen. This is why I pulled back and did away with viewing on iPad and iPhones because as studies have now revealed, higher dopamine levels are released on these devices, which increases the chances of addictive behavior. But she also tends to want to watch longer than my other children, which just gives me the subtle signal as the parent that I need to help her steward her “enjoyment” of TV and not overindulge too often, which makes #4 all the more important…
Verse for contemplation: 1 Corinthians 10:23
Curious to hear what tips 4-10 are?
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As a ICF certified coach, I’d love to come alongside you and help you identify, set up and stick to healthy and life-giving rhythms and habits in your home. Book a free consult here and let’s have a chat!