“Be curious, not judgmental.”
This statement (attributed to Walt Whitman) hit me like a ton of bricks the other day without warning. It felt like a gentle charge to flip the script of the all too familiar climate of judgment in which we are living. The climate where we react with increasing haste and hostility towards those who hold divergent beliefs, values and opinions than our own.
Be curious. Not judgmental.
I wonder, how do those words land with you? What could it look like to grow in our ability to take up a posture of curiosity instead of judgment?
For starters, curiosity leads to asking more questions. It is one of the most valuable skills (yes, it is a skill) I learned while training as a professional coach. When we develop our capacity to be intentionally and genuinely curious about the world around us, it helps to replace our tendency to judge with an ability to inquire. It does not mean you do not hold your own beliefs and opinions on things and stand up for those at times. It just means you’re choosing to withhold making a value judgment (whether a person is good/bad, right/wrong, wise/foolish) until you have more information.
In case you need a little more convincing, being curious and asking questions was a primary method of our Lord Jesus (see Luke 2:46) as a way of naturally exposing one’s own motivations, biases, values, beliefs and even areas of sin. In fact, there are roughly 142 questions Jesus asked during his interactions with people recorded in the Gospels. Yeah, wow.
So next time you come across someone in the workplace, church or on social media who holds a different belief or opinion than your own, try seeing yourself as a curious observer, floating questions like:
- What brought you to this belief?
- What life experience contributed to your view?
- What makes that opinion significant for you?
- You’re saying a lot, but what are you not saying?
- You seem passionate about this–what’s behind that passion?
- How will you know if you’re right or wrong about this?
What other questions would you add? Asking good questions also requires deep listening. I can’t think of a better way to show love and care to people around us, can you? So let’s go, it’s time to get curious.